Aspergers is something I was born with. Technically.
Shame says something different, though. Shame says that I brought this on myself. Shame says that whenever I can't make eye contact it's entirely my fault. Its says that whenever I struggle in a social situation, whenever I can't focus, whenever I can't understand someone, that it's because I'm lazy. Shame says that I need to work harder, that I'm being lazy about it.
Truth says I was born with this. Truth says that I didn't bring this on myself, nor did I make myself gifted. It says, this just happened. Truth tells me to accept where I'm at before trying to move past it, before pouring my entire being into working harder at this, before defining myself by what I struggle with. Truth says it's not my fault.
Shame grabs a megaphone and tells me that this is where I will always be, that I can never get better at this. Shame tells me that no good can ever come of this. Shame tells me that no one will ever get it and tells me that it's too big.
Truth tells me that I can get better at this, but it's okay if I choose not to. Truth says that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. Truth tells me that it'll be okay.
Shame tells me that this isn't a God thing, tells me not to bring it to the cross. Shame tells me to figure it out on my own, and if I don't, I'm a failure. Shame tells me it's all or nothing, that I need to fix it all, or give up. Shame tells me that it's all riding on me, yet I still, somehow, don't matter.
Truth tells me to ignore shame.
But my, oh my, is shame loud.
